The past two years have been…in a word…hard.
Someday I might write about it in detail, but for now it’s enough to simply type those words.
For the first time in my life, I just could not get my sh!# together. Everything I did felt reactionary. No plan. No leadership. No intentionality. I was in a constant fog. Every step, no matter how small, felt like I was walking through molasses. Some of you know this feeling and some of you don’t. If you don’t, I pray you never do. I never knew it until now.
My mind kept telling me to snap out of it, but emotionally I felt stuck. I kept thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” I knew I was better than this (or at least I had been before) but it was like a sad stranger was living inside me, screwing with my head. I wanted this stranger to disappear.
Somewhere along the way, I lost my voice. I stopped writing. I stopped creating. I stopped connecting.
Why? Because I let fear get in the way. Fear told me, “You made your bed, now sleep in it.” I let fear convince me that all these things that were happening were my fault. I chose to listen to fear instead of love.
I have to remind myself that I don’t have to be afraid. I didn’t cause these things to happen, and the people who matter are the people who love me just because I’m me.
So, who am I? I am a creator. Buried deep within my genetic code is a need to make things. I need to send ideas out into the world. Not because I think the world needs me, but because creating is how I stay connected and engaged to something bigger than myself.
I haven’t created in a long time. Not just for the sake of creating anyway. But I have to start somewhere. So I produced this spoken-word piece set to visuals from a variety of sources. It’s about choosing to listen to love instead of fear.
More coming soon…